Total Posts: 426
United Kingdom, United Kingdom
YOUNG British Pakistanis are rebelling against the practice of arranged inter-family marriages, according to a BBC documentary aired this week.
Marrying My Cousin, shown on BBC2 on March 15, discussed the controversial topic of inter-family marriages among British Pakistanis.
According to the programme, more than half of British Pakistanis marry their first cousins. While most of these marriages prove successful, a new generation of youngsters is now convincing their parents in favour of marriages outside the family.
‘Gark’, the protagonist of the documentary, travelled to Pakistan in order to meet his cousins and choose a suitable wife. His sister Neila Butt (pictured, with Farooq), who despite being British born, married a cousin of her family’s choice. Farooq, her husband could not even communicate properly in English at the time of marriage.
However, eight years on, Neila Butt describes her marriage a happy one.
Her brother, however has different ideas. He said: "Things are different today. We have to convince our parents to move with the times."
Eastern Eye spoke to another young man who has made several similar journeys to Pakistan but is still not sure if he wants to marry a cousin.
Imran Mirza, 28, a businessman from Slough, said: "I’ve been born into a liberal Western society, totally unlike Pakistan and whether anyone likes it or not, I have incorporated a lot of Western values along the way. I still retain an incredibly strong faith and respect for Islam and my Pakistani culture. But times have changed.
"My three brothers had arranged marriages with first cousins. I have nothing against it, but I want my life to be different."
While the Quran and the Bible, do not ban marriage between cousins, the tradition is frowned upon in many communities. In the US, it is illegal.
Tehmina Haq, spokesperson of the UK’s Women’s Association of Islam, said: "The problems we have in the British Pakistani community are not because of marrying cousins, they are because of pressures from parents forcing their children to marry a particular person."
Imran Mirza agrees. "My parents have suggested several over the years, but my answer has always been no... these are people I have treated like my sisters my whole life."
In 2001 a survey by the Birmingham Health Authority revealed that babies born to members of the city’s Pakistani community were three times more likely to die in infancy compared to other races.
The doctor behind the survey, Dr Mamoona Tahir, said around 40 per cent of the deaths were due to genetic illnesses – which were made more likely by the practice of marrying first cousins.
Whether in UK, USA, Pakistan or any other country, inter-family marriages are the most successful, though should not be strictly imposed on children.
yep,,, forced nahi hona chaiye
but phir bhi yarr,,, i know few families jo sirff apas mei shadiyan karte hein
sab aik jaisi shaklon k
kuch pata hi nahi chalta k bhai hai ya husband
haan na yarr
it sounds funny but me to pagal hi ho jau
i know a fam here and they alwayysss marry in their own fam,, yahan tak k they married their son when he was 14 to their niece,,, just coz that gal was >20 and there wasnt any other guy in their family
iam TOTALLY against family marriages. Especially cousins. Its disgusting. I kow its allowed but I would never do it. My mom married out of the family...and she had the same thing planned for her children. My fathers fmaily was stalking us with their mouths open and drooling.
Some traditions are jsut stupid
family marriages cause more problems and fights in the fmaily...
i say this from experience.
my one aunite and mother are only two in the family that married out of family
arranged and interfam marriage can b vv successful
but offcourse forced kabhi nahiii
calm down yarr,,, no one s asking u to marry ur cousin
waise yeh baat theek hai,,, it only creates pbs
most of the time log family ki waja se majboor ho k poooori life aik doosre k saath guzaar dete hein,, and they r neverrr happy
but baki log samajhte hein k seeee,,,,, they r not divored it means shadi kamyaab hui
Fallin in love is a sweet ambition, findin true love is a lifetime mission, take my word and marry ur mum's ugly decision. (ur cuz btw, a mangi is wat they call em
not offending anyone am i, if i am tel me il slap myself, this posting is risky business, maybe i should go bak 2 findin insurance quotes (confused.com
i agree with sohniKuddi with an avatar of a sohnaKudda.
whether some marriages in the family are successful or not, whether there ist love or not, the real problem will show itself after some generations, if defect genes are transferred and condensed after some generations.