1-We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!
2-All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.
3-If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
4-Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
5-What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!
6-The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action
7-Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
8-Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
9-How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut
10-I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
11-What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
12-Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
13-What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
14-A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
14-CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this.
15-Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
16-This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
17-Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
18-I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
19-Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
20-Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
21-Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
22-First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
23-Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
24-My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...