LIFE. Wel my name is Shahzeb Talha and I am very eager to have the comments and way of thinking regarding this topic. I mean i want to know what a Boy and a Girl thinks of his\her parents when its the matter of their life. Are they good enough to understand you or they just make their own desicions, Please help me in this topic coz soon I will (InshALLAH) be publishing this topic so I need alot of stuff on this.
ashkhan
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cool topic. i cant speak for evryone but as far as i know and understand a b-o-g (aka boy or girl)usually r very annoyed and disrespectful to their parents when it comes to life decisions. HOWEVER, parents in return are very controlling who expect their child to be mindless robots who just accept their decisions. so i guess because in pakistani families it is usually expected that children r supposed to b seen and not heard. and so that has created a major lack of communication amongst families. parents put forward ordres instead of advice and suggestions, and inreturn children b-o-g become very defencive and rude and rebellious. what ignites this feeling in them is because of all this mass entertainment and tv they see ppl who r independent and controlling their own lives, children or youngsters felll suffocated in their controlled envioronments, and this frustration comes out as a rebelion and an attitude towardas their elders. and on the other hand what ignites the controlling nature among parents is the fact that when they were young that is what their parents did to then so they became very frustrated too and start thinking that this is the way children r supposed to b brought up. so i think in general there is no right or wrong person, i think it is very much to do with our society and its ideals, (not values). ideals such as not listening to what a child has to say.
ashkhan
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in conclusion i think parents should offer their children a idea they have and discuss it with their parent. they have to b open minded in that aspect. children in return even if they feel aginst it should not rebel and definatly not disrespect their advice. both parties should talk things through and listen to each other, what a parent says may b right and what a parent says may b right and covince each other in a friendly mature and civilised manner. parent and child should have the environment to talk and reach to a dicision especiallly in life matters together. that is whata family is. to live and work together.
ashkhan
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i have just read a hadees and that too says that prophet muhammed always listened and communicated with his daughters about life decisions, and cos they were the daughters of the prophet they hardly ever argued with theri parents, but he still discussed, asked their opnions and talked to them in a very civilised and educated manner to make a family.
mayb this is a lesson for all of us to follow, for both youngsters and parents out there. learn to listen, communicate and talk to ur parents and children. dont push them or they will b pushed away from u, and dont disrespect the or u will become disrespected for all and infront of the almighty.
Smooth_daddy
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OK, SRK, check both of your quotations and you'll see they are very different from each other. This is just my guess, you may have seen the reference to the hadeeth (a translation in Urdu etc) and you are attempting to translate in English. Traditions of the Prophet SAW encouraged the idea of seeking consent or dissent of daughters in decisions of their marriages. A marriage is not solemn without the consent of girls gaurdian (father when present), but it still is solemn without the consent of girl. In Paki society, people choose the later option and made it practice while ignoring Prophet's advice. Later generations revolted to the practice and made another extreme choice - rejecting the required part of marriage - consent of gaurdians. what matters now is girls choice of spouse to which parents must yield and oblige because otherwise, she will marry the guy of her choice anyways.
Bottom line: seeking daughters' consent in marriage is not required but highly recommended by the prophet. He did not command that practice. This is my humble understanding, Allah knows it best.
ashkhan
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i think it is required and not just highly recommended, cos there was a womanwho prophet got married to one of his adopted sons. she was unhappy from the start, but her parents forced it upon her, cos they thought our dughter is going to b related to the prophet. so after the marrige the girl just couldnt accept him, and wanted the divorce, but our prophet feared that a divorcee in society isnt looked up on nicely. so she forced her divorce, and to stop her from shame, and to teach ppl acceptance prophet married her. from then on prophet made it very important for the girls consent.
in our society they have hushed this thing so parents can get their way with their children.
Smooth_daddy
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Still it doesn't make it required bcuz, there isn't a command or order in Quran or hadeeth to support that view. When you say something is required, it means in absence of which a Nikah wld be invalid and a marriage wld be null and void - in other words, such communion would be rendered haram.
Smooth_daddy
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Ofcourse, Nikah doesn't even occur without girls consent to the contract. That's not what I meant in my previous post. it means if parents (wali) of the girl marry their daughter to someone and girl doesn't object to it or refuse to accept that person as her life partner, Nikah is still valid. If however, she refuses, nikah stands invalid.
In paki culture, girls are given in nikah to men whom they may not like / love but they don't present their dissent before aqad. Many people have taken advantage of this practice to the point of criminality.
On the other hand, there are those untamed proponents of liberty who have taken it to other extreme - girls having no regard for parental approval or disapproval of their choices.
Ashii
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Smooth_daddy said:
In paki culture, girls are given in nikah to men whom they may not like / love but they don't present their dissent before aqad. Many people have taken advantage of this practice to the point of criminality.
EXACTLY that s the point,,,, hamare han larki ko koi bhiiii decision lene ki adat nahi hoti,, we dont learn our kids (galz or guyz) to have an opinion and specialy to decide anything aur parents issi baat ka faida uthate hein shadi k wakt
larki ka zubani ikrar zaroori nahi nikah k liye par nikah na hone liye inkaar zaroori hai
yar pasand karne se mera matlab that k u meet someone with ur whole fam,, to kya sirf shakal hi dekho ge na,, ya zyada se zyada 2 batein kar sako ge,, is it enuff to PASAND someone for shadi ????????
nikama
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its not enough,it never is.but in the west people date for years and get divorced after months or even days.dekh lena,do char baatain ker lena behter he lumbi lumbi be maqsad mulaqaton ke.
Ashii
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pfff,,, baat ko idher se udher na le jao yar.. western countries kahan se aa gae beeche mei i only asked kya pasand k liye yeh kafi hota hai ???
its same with guyz normaly,, islami tareeke pe chala jae to they dont have occasion to "know" the girl to phir pasand ki shadi se kya matlab liya jae ????
nikama
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1st marriage of our holy prophet is a good example of pasand ki shadi.mullas generally is ko bewaon se shadi ki daleel ke tor per laitay hain but in my opinion it is a clasic story of a pakeeza pasand.hazrat khadeeja was a very beautiful lady.she belonged to a very noble family.she was wealthy too and in a society like that she was known as Tahira meaning pakeeza.on the other hand Muhammad p.b.u.h was the most handsome gentleman quraishs ever had.plus he was most honest,most truthfull.so when they got to know each other through a business deal.they instantly liked each other.now u must keep in mind that Kadeeja had so many good proposals.wealthy,influential tribal heads.but she herself proposed the Holy Prophet.and thats how they got married.and prophet p.b.u.h.loved her so much that he did not marry more till she was alive.this is pasand ki shadi ka matlab.
i saw on ary digital...
sad really, u wouldnt expect this from muslims.
