allergic to cats but still luv’em?

If you love cats and dogs but cannot bear to near the filthy creatures because of allergies, phobias or just plain old misanthropy I can help you. For £250 per day I will come round your place and take on all cat/dog pet duties. For this amazingly low fee I will sit in your favourite chair, moult everywhere, eat like there is no tomorrow, run off when we go for walks, hide from strangers, growl at the postman, piss/sh*t in inappropriate places/times, display signs of all maladies yet be disease/ailment free when we visit the vet and hide under the bed when you go on holiday. For those of you denied the pleasure of pet ownership through no fault of your own I urge to take advantage of this fantastic summertime offer...but remember pet owners - you must not kill your pooch with kindness, financial rewards are the only true way show your love. Don't delay, act TODAY.