This is my question from all muslims?Should a girl marry a person whom she want or whom her parents want?Need your advices.What do uthink?I myself m confused,
dosselpoh
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quote:Originally posted by Bazigaar
quote:Should a girl marry a person whom she want or whom her parents want?Need your advices.What do uthink?I myself m confused,
whom she wants...it doesn;t says anywhere in islam k she should marry with parents marzi..BUT..it does says k parents should listen to kid's marzi and marry them where they want to be...about listening to our parents in matter of marriage and all dat is cultural stuff..not religious...
well , i think if our parents say NO....then there is always a reason for that......we have to listen to them also....
jag
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Well see parents bring you up.. taught you how to talk,walk everything aspect of life they are with you, and suddenly you boycot and go against.. just for some guy ? eh.. is'nt it unreasonable. even if they decide something 4 u.. you should think that you are paying them back for what they have given you in your entire life though it's pretty less but still better something than nothing.
Most of the people might not agree with me here, but when you'll become dad/mom yourself then you'll understand.. I guess.
Oh btw, this is my idea thought.. not here to argue on it lol!
jag
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quote:Originally posted by Bazigaar
quote:well , i think if our parents say NO....then there is always a reason for that......we have to listen to them also....
not really...i know in some cases parents just don;t want to listen at all anything about someone u love and wanna get married..they just want to marry u off where they want to...so yeah sometimes parents can be very unreasonable...
Well bazi in some cases rite! but even you must have seen girls who go on their on & marry the guy.. after some time the life becomes miserable.. and eventually they end up @ their own home crying upside down!! that's what parents don't want.
dosselpoh
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quote:Originally posted by Admin
Well see parents bring you up.. taught you how to talk,walk everything aspect of life they are with you, and suddenly you boycot and go against.. just for some guy ? eh.. is'nt it unreasonable. even if they decide something 4 u.. you should think that you are paying them back for what they have given you in your entire life though it's pretty less but still better something than nothing.
Most of the people might not agree with me here, but when you'll become dad/mom yourself then you'll understand.. I guess.
Oh btw, this is my idea thought.. not here to argue on it lol!
dosselpoh
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Well Bazi...mostly children love somebodys face.....i mean they just like them cause they r beautifull..and they dont know where they from..and whats there background( khandan etc)
So Parenst nay ya sab kuch daikhna hota ha......
and secondly now-a-days..no body ask his/her parent that he/she wants to marry ....they just say i am going to marry him/her.....and they dont ask
jag
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Seee for parents a kid is always a kid no matter how old he/she is! they want to see their child happy and don't want to get hurt in future.. that's the only reason they try to get her/him fixed on their choice since they know it will be good for the guy/girl. . in rare cases it happens things turn out opposite but "RARE".. as in other cases whereby guy/girl goes on their own.. most of the cases end up in dispute and seperations!
So you take a rare risk.. or take a most risk! most people are smart enough what can i say :)
jag
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Well true! you are old enuf :) but not everything thinks like that dude, you meet a girl or guy in college in univ study togather, though as friends just little talk talk. . u study for few years move to college.. then college gets over u feel like some part of your life is missing.. then you realize that you actually like talking to da girl/guy... when you study or meet each other you don't ask them you will marry me lol! but someway or the other few things are beyond control.. and diz is one of em!
it's not necessary to marry the same person you love, love has it's own place in life and should respect, coz if you love somebody u know how it hurts so you make sure that in future you don't hurt anybody else.. and lots of things yaar! i ain't trying to be professor here but hota hai!
flawless
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bazi jee, i absolutely agree wid u, i mean, i agree parents know alot more bout da world cz they've been here lngr, bt hw cn u accept any kid to grow up if they dnt make their own decisions, r they gna depend on da paretns 4ever, n dont 4get, those kids mayb parents sum day aswel, hw cn u xpect them to try n giv advice to there kids wn they hv no xperience of makin decisions themselves i think any gurl or guy hv da right to marry who ever they want, like bazi sed, its there life, n its not a question of wreckin 1's life, i mean who wud intentionally wreck there own life?its life n nothing in life goes wid da flow, there r twists n turn, sum 4 da good n sum 4 da bad! bt wt ever happens, atleast u know dt u tried! n btw, da thing about marriages workin out or not, marriage is not sumthing dt takes its course, both hubby n wife hv to work at it, i mean if u dont try n improve a relationship n juss pretend dt things r gna b fine, dts not gona work, b it arranged or luv marriage! hope no 1 is offended bt its juss my opinion!
sadz
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a very interesting topic..
i actually kinda agree with everyone..
bazi i reckon ur right in saying that when a kid is 18+ they should be allowed to make his/her own decision.. firstly u aint a kid anymore but an adult.. lekin i think it depends on person to person cus some people at 18 still act as though they are 14.. ooohing and aaahing over guys.. then there are some who at 18 act 30.. so it really depends..
neways i was gonna say... how about if we reverse the genders.. should a guy marry a gal who he doesnt love? should he marry her cus thats the rigth thing to do? cus if he opposes.. his parents will be upset? i mean a girl marries someone who she doesnt love for all these reasons... but my best friend is in the same situation... and hes a guy.. what would a guy do??
oh and yeah some of u said.. how can u marry someone u dont like? trust me boys and girls it happens... life is wierd.. sometimes the person u love.. isnt the one u should marry... and sometimes the one u marry.. is the one u end up loving.. wierd stuff.. this is life..
and oh yeah.. the whole college stuff.. well u know what... theres one comment for that
' u dont know what u got till its gone....'
and oh yeah bazi... a lot of people fall in love without even realising.. i have contrl over my thinking and emotions... but i dont have control over how i feel...
jag
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Well, i'll only say I still don't agree! parents have 100% right over kids life.. they brought you up they have every right to do so.
Bazi, not everybody is like you to control themself, and stayback it happens and u never know :)
Well about dreams r broken for the girl/guy.. how about the parents dreams which they thought since you were never even born ? don't they have some value ? if your parents ask you your life even you cannot say no since it's given by them its not your own life in first place. so how can u even think of other stuff!
sadz agree wit ya! life is weird... but only if u don't understand it, if you do it's the best ~~ !! ~~
jag
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.. Well here the debate is related only to marriage not going against religion or something, parents forcing somethign against religion is something totattly different..
Let's put it this way you like GirlX and you've been with her for few years and pretty comfortable and u love/like her a lot etc etc.. now your parents have seen a GirlY for you which they think is deal for you. so what will you do ? run away with GirlX and live seperately.. or marry GirlY as your parents say..
Contions Your parents won't accept GirlX under any condition, coz of various reasons.. and neither you can convince your parents..only either you marry GirlX or GirlY .. no other options please!
oh btw, Bazi don't tell me now your parents will say go beta go.. do whatever you like, coz not everybody has so open minded parents. so be in neutral position and tell me. What other ppl will do tell me ? for girls put it other way and tell!
flawless
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sorry to interupt admin jee bt marriage is part of out religion, infact, religion is an aspect of our whole life n we cnt put it aside jus 4 our own wants n needs! n i feel dt u r makin it sound as if parents shudnt hv to reason wd anything, n kids shud take all da pressure building up in this situation!this only prooves dt da parents r way too selfabsorbed n selfish,n dt aint a good example to b settin up as a parent! da prob wid our society is dt sum of da younger generation seem to let da parents walk al ovr them, n dts da exact reason y our parents in return strt expecting beyond fair n reasonable expectations! n btw,y is da younger generation always portrayed in a negative manner, i mean, juss becuz sumbody is older n they hv kids dont make them alot more aware dan da youngsters, it depend on da persons awareness, dts all, age doesnt hv much of a part to play in being aware of ur surroundings, it depends on da way u view things! so, as for me, im stickin to ma guns, n i dnt agree dt anybody, be it a guy r gal, hv to force themselves or b forced by sum1 else to marry sum1 they rnt keen on! n u guys seem to 4get dat its a matter of 2 lives, not juss urs! u also hv to think if u cn give da luv n respect bak 2 ur spouse dt dey hv a right on, i mean, u wont b able to help how u feel 2wards dem, its not juss bout u n ur parents!
jag
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flawless & Bazigaar i think I was quite clear no conditions nothing .. just answer what will you do ? there are reasons for parents not agreeing on GirlX, no further explainations.. there are just reasons that are logical but if you like GirlX you won't understand the reasons... coz it happens like that.
So i'll appreciate the simple answer, no questions further that's clear enuff :)
quote:sorry to interupt admin jee bt marriage is part of out religion, infact, religion is an aspect of our whole life n we cnt put it aside jus 4 our own wants n needs!
When you are born which religion you have? Can you answer simple question?
jag
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quote:u know..i don;t wanna get into this but according to islamic point of view what i heard (i dunno how true it is) is k when a kid is born...kid is muslims...now god knows da best how true is this thing..anyways...
see i don't even want to involve religion here in this case, coz it's something seperate but as references quoted from religion so has to be here, well as observed in real word you a born without any religion then your parents guide you all the way thru who you are , what you are & etc.. if they tell you you are christian you are christian for your life simple as that.
quote:well, admin bhai...think about it...how can flawless marry girlX or girlY...u see...
and about me...well, i know k my parents can;t force me to marry girl Y and if i see they r not listening o my reasoning then all i'd do is say fine...no girlX..no girlY...no shadi...no marriage...and dat's it...
haha! yeah flawless can't marry GirlX or GirlY . .but reverse the order flawless and then tell me.
& about you, they will listen to your reasoning but at that point of time you won't understand later on in life you will do that your parents were correct! well if you say no shadi nuffin, then also all hearts are broken.. your parents & GirlX and even yours. Who is most important in your life you priortize it .. and then make decisions. :)
jag
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lol! yeah good point but then why are parents for ? to guide and make sure that you don't burn yourself.. they keep you protected from every obstacle in life that's their job.
So what my point is if you listen to parents you won't put your DAMN HAND IN FIRE! lol so is'nt it better to listen to parents always rather than experimenting urself ? huh
sharara
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AS ALWAZ.. BAAZ.. picking up islam's point.. ire absolutely right.. even if u dont conside it.. if u put it as a rhetorical Question.. ADMIN... LISTEN TO THIS>> THIS IS ESP FOR U>>>>
1) ok.. Girl X isnt Suitable.. Marriage is for a life... not temporary, same way.. im sure things can alwaz be worked out.. i dont think if ur out to start a life with someone.. u hav the right to be selfish.. i mean... can somethings not be handled more diplomatically? both ways?
will u go and marry y.. and a) live with her as if nothing happened thinking girl X will be ok later on? or b) will u make her miserable coz u cant give her the same love? either way.. if u can give the same luv.. and liive as if nothing happened.. pls correct ur statemnt.. U DONT love GIRLX.. its just an attraction or wotever.. but never Classsify it as LOVE
Chill pill.. all said and done.. i hope admin doesnt shoot me .. BAAZ BACHAO
jag
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quote:1) ok.. Girl X isnt Suitable.. Marriage is for a life... not temporary, same way.. im sure things can alwaz be worked out.. i dont think if ur out to start a life with someone.. u hav the right to be selfish.. i mean... can somethings not be handled more diplomatically? both ways?
Let me correct my statement there were reasons by parents for GirlX, but @ that particular time Guy won't undersatnd the reasons.. that's for sure! so there no question left. and yes marriage is for life only that's whay parrent say marrying GirlX will be temporary since it's not love just attraction!
quote:will u go and marry y.. and a) live with her as if nothing happened thinking girl X will be ok later on? or b) will u make her miserable coz u cant give her the same love? either way.. if u can give the same luv.. and liive as if nothing happened.. pls correct ur statemnt.. U DONT love GIRLX.. its just an attraction or wotever.. but never Classsify it as LOVE
a) nopes not as if nothing happened, though memories are still there. b) why to make life miserable.. ? huh why cna't u love her that much or even more ? love does'nt have limit or there is no tank inside human filled with 1 ltr of love given to GirlX not left for GirlY .. excuseme.. you can fell in love again! and again & again!
jag
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Tell me why do they call love is blind? coz when you are love you don't see anything else other than da Girl or Guy.. so your parents no matter whay they say, you won't listen.
Parents do meet da GirlX and suggest that she is not good for you, but as "Love" who listens na!
sharara
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BRAVO Baaz.. u sure saved me on that one.. SEE it all depends and comes down to the induvidual we r talking bout.. wot do U want mr BF of Girl X and hubby to be of Y ??? its again an iduvidual choice.. no one can say wots rite or not.. but surely.. try listening to ur heart.. and it MIGHT guide u.. sure some ppl say its their heart talking.. and normally its not.. its their minds.. and some ppl prefer to avoid disturbances.. as baaz pointed out.. but i still think.. Parents alwaz wanna see u happy.. Yaar kasai nahi hain woh loag...
jag
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See in short, if your parents agree on marrying the guy / girl you love.. whom am I to create a problem! lol if parents agree who cares about rest...
so if parents meet the guy/girl and they are fine . go ahead! but i'm talking about cases where parents don't agree and guy/girl runs away or abuses his/her parents or messes around.
Bazigaar's point was nor towards his parents nor somebody else that "Will not marry.."
sharara
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Well.. marriage is full of negotiations.. as is life.. If u start out wrong.. u waste a lot.. haan u can marry and luv.. but again.. pls correct ur statement.. u never luved girl X anyway.. its an ATTRACTION.
well.. all said and done... each of us.. live our ways.. and not each of us is as lucky as the other.. God Bless u Mr.to be mr.Y ;) lol
i think... its a matter of where there is a will.. there is a way
