A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.
"Yes I do." she replied.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes I remember."
"Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"
"Yes I do", she replied.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."
tarar786
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A woman at a party walked up to a man and told him, ''If you were my husband I would poison your drink." The man replied, ''If you were my wife I would drink it.''
jupiterblue
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nice joke mr tarar ji....thank for the joke u sent
i like this jokes.....I always laugh everytime I read it :
One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing?" Singh answered, "No,I am Banta Singh."
Another guy came and asked the him the same question. Singh answered, "No No Me Banta Singh!" Third one came and asked him the same question again.
Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing." The Singh slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and your are sitting over here!"
jupiterblue
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A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul, he must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many seconds are in a year?
The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow. 2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc..."
jupiterblue
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Having lost his donkey a Singh, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The Singh replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
jupiterblue
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Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like hell. So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one said, "I came here for blood test". Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid ? " First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied,"I have come for my urine test."
tarar786
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Surinder's uncle was booked into an SIA flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an airplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place. When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!"
So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher, who was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.
The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"
The the uncle took out several pieces of chapattis and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American.
"Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly.
Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.
"What is it?" asked the American.
"Sweet of India!" replied the old man.
After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "Pooooooooot!" from the uncle.
tarar786
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An elderly Punjabi admitted to the intensive care department of a hospital requested that he take lessons in French. The doctor was puzzled and asked him why.
"Well, French is the language of heaven," he sighed. "I want to be able to communicate with everyone in heaven if I die."
"But how are you so sure that you will end up in heaven? You might go to hell. What good will French do you then?" asked the doctor.
tarar786
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A man got a kick out of turning simple things into mysteries when composing a letter, though he was not good at all at writing.
One day his father told him to write a letter to his brother and tell him four things:
A villager died not long ago. The price of meat has gone up. The household has employed a new accountant. His brother's wife is going to have a baby. When the son had finished, however, the letter read: "A villager died not long ago. The meat sold for 179 silver coins.
The household has employed a new accountant. My sister-in-law's belly is getting bigger and bigger."
He soon got an angry answer from his brother:
"Domestic shame should not be made public. How can the flesh of the dead be sold to others?"
tarar786
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A visiting Kapampangan kababayan was in New York City and it was a particularly windy day. He was standing by a bus stop when the wind blew and raised the skirt of a nice American lady standing near him.
He smiled at her (wanting to make conversation) and said, "It's hairy, isn't it?" (What he meant to say was that it was "airy" - mahangin or windy)
The American lady got mad and hit him with her umbrella and said, "Well, what did you expect - feathers?!"
tarar786
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A Filipino pilot who became well known for his absent-mindedness was invited to pilot a new flying boat. The pilot had a good time flying. After spending a couple of hours in the air, the pilot decided that it was time to land. He was about to make a landing on the ground when his assistant reminded that they were supposed to land on the sea.
"Yes, I know. I was just testing you," answered the pilot. "I am not that absent-minded." So the flying boat made a safe landing on the water. Having accomplished this, the pilot, being proud for not committing a big mistake, opened the door and stepped into the sea.
tarar786
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A new Filipino immigrant was talking with a Canadian and he noticed that the Canadian had a wind burnt lip. So the Filipino asked the Canadian... "Hey buddy, it's beri cold eh? Even your lips is changing leather."
tarar786
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In an international Convention of coffee-producing nations, the Philippines proved it really has given something to the coffee world.
The Columbia delegate said: "We have the best coffee beans."
Remarked the Japanese representative: "Japan refined coffee production to make people enjoy coffee more."
The American delegate: "America has the best and the most number of brands of regular and instant coffee, supported by the most modern means of production."
Then the Filipino delegate stood up to proudly declare: "The Philippines invented the two-hour coffee break!!!"
tarar786
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There was this Filipino who had a very big truck. One day, he went to a coliseum to see a baseball game. All the parking spaces were taken except one which said "COMPACT".
He backed up to park in it, then a police officer came up to him and asked, "Sir, what are you doing?"
He replied, "I'm parking here."
The officer said, "Sir, you cannot park here it is a "COMPACT".
So, the guy left and came back, then he went to the same parking space to park. The officer is like "what are you doing sir? I told you it was compact!"
The guy said, "I know I did what you said I "COMPACT" I left and "COMPACT".
tarar786
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The Funniest Matrimonial Ads
FISHERMAN Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
SALESMAN Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!
ECONOMIST I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.
MATHEMATICIAN Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.
IT CONSULTANT Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.
BUSINESS MAN Wife wanted for company.
POLITICIAN I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society................. (etc etc and never getting to the point)
CAR DEALER Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.
FARMER Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
LAWYER I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.
PILOT Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!
BANKER Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
ACCOUNTANT Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
SHIRABI Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.
MINICAB DRIVER Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary, but map reading skills are a bonus.
BEGGAR Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey, Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee dey dey, Allah terah bullah kurrey, Tujhey eik key balley doh dey dey, Hillery hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!
BUILDER Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.
DOCTOR I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.
ARMY COMMANDO My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.
RACE CAR DRIVER A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!
ASTRONAUT I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!
tarar786
Age: 124
7706 days old here
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Location:
China, China
A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees the little girl being attacked by a pit bull. He runs Over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeds in killing the dog and Saving the girls live. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves a little girl's life" But I am not a New Yorker! Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning: "Brave American saves a little girl's life" But I am not an American. I am Pakistani! The next day the newspapers say: "Islamic extremist kills American dog. Connections to terrorist network are possible"
tarar786
Age: 124
7706 days old here
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there was this sardar he goes to this store n he asks the dealer how much is this almaari? the seller is like we dont do buisness with sardars. next day he shaves and goes to the store and cuts his hair and asks how much is this almaari? the seller says the same thing we dont do buisnesss with sardars. next day he puts on makeup and glasses and goes but same thing. hes like we dont do buissness with sardars hes like screw the almaari tell me how do u always know im a sardar the seller is like ur the only idiot who calls this frdige an almaari
tarar786
Age: 124
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Don't underestimate Women!
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "if you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog.
The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, kazam! -- she became the most beautiful woman in the world. For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, kazam! -- she became the richest woman in the world. The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever, don't mess with them.
I have joke about sardar jee....
