I've invented a new word
It's fun and it's free
A four lettered miracle
As soon you will see

You can use it in private
Or tell all your friends
It's not overbearing
It never condescends

This one single syllable
Will change your whole life
Make you very popular
Get you a new wife

People will flock to you
Just to hear this new word
You'll be revered and honoured
Wherever it's heard

You'll never be poor again
For people will pay
To listen to you
And the word that you say

It will elate you, amuse you
Enchant and beguile
Learn it and you'll have
A PERMANENT smile

It's funny, it's wonderful
You'll never look back
This one, single word
Will give you all that you lack

So now, it's time to reveal it
Ready or not
My new word is...

Oh ****, I forgot!

Ek pal kiye baat nahi.
Do pal ka ye sath nahi.
Waise to zindagi ek safar si ban gayi hai mere liye.
Par wo safar hi kya jis me tum saath nahi.

Dil do kisi ek ko vo bhi kisi nek ko.
Dil do kisi 1 ko vo bhi kisi nek ko-
lekin jab tak koi nek na mile
propose karte raho har 1 ko.....?

I wooed a lady passing fair
When I was young and courtly.
I loved her lips, her eyes, her hair,
Her figure pert if portly.
I raised her to my saddle bow
And pulled a muscle down below.
She cried "Did we hear something go?"
Unmanned by piercing pains,
I thought I ought to let her know
That I had strained my reins.
"Strained reins?" she smiled,
"That is a blow!
But have no fear," she said, "I bet
The groom will have another set."

How can you doubt that I love you?
Didn't I marry you, eh?
And though I don't say it too often,
I show it in all sorts of ways.

I'd take you out dining and dancing...
Can you find me a mountain to climb?
An ocean to cross? A boulder to toss?
I'd do them if I had the time.

I'd give you the shirt off me back, love,
I'd give you me last pair of socks;
And last time we went into town, love,
Didn't I buy you a frock?

I let you go home nice and early,
So you have the time to cook tea;
Remember that sometimes on Sundays
I give you the afternoon free.

I tell you when you're being bitchy,
I notice when you're getting fat;
I give you free rein in my tool shed,
I let you wear my fav'rite hat.

So next time you're thinkin' of leaving,
Remember that I think yer great;
And though there are times when yer grumpy...
Fair dinkum, yer still me best mate.

Who else would I trust with the cheque book?
And who else knows just what I like?
And when there are paddocks to muster
Who else but you borrows my bike?

I'll eat humble pie if I have to,
I'll say that I've been a right jerk,
I'll tell you I love you; I've done it: okay?
Now bloody-well come back to work.

good
lakin title?
funny poetry?

thanks

My memories of you go by
like rows of butterflies on crutches.

We were the blind desperately unbuttoning the blind,
lost in the blur of the forbidden.

Until your voice, like the shock of cold chicken,
ripped my heart out
and beat it like a seal pup,
into your front porch.

Suddenly, my life was invaded
by a drunken synchronized-swim team of emotions...

As the book of my soul began to fill with coffee rings.

Now I know that my life is a only metaphor,
for something infinitely worse -

But your cruelty can never keep its freshness.

One day, your beauty too, will be gone
like lost socks from a dryer.

A good poet in this day
is rust and iron

tastes of old
concrete pilings,

does not
lapse into beauty.

Only a dull poet

would seek out a flower,
instead of
the electric whine
of a garage
door
opening.

I want my epitaph to say:
"He died a
silly, silly way."

such as, upon the stone,

"Elas, dearly
missed -
his heart exploded in a dream -
where Barney,
Purplest
Dinosaur,
was beating him for gambling debts."

or

next to my grave,
upon the stone,

"If you have time to read this,
you have time to phone
your mother."

QUEEN VICTORIA:

good
lakin title?
funny poetry?

yup. not to be taken seriously

but sometimes it's the best way to discover hidden truth

Please listen one, and listen all
To epic tale, as I recall
To weak of heart, I bid adieu
For now commence, my ode to you.

When I was six, or maybe younger
Down deep inside, I felt a hunger
To see the world, to set my sail
As to my quest, I would not fail.

I planned escape for dawn's first light
For still afraid the dark of night
With stealth I crept by parent's door
I jumped in fear, 'twas just Dad's snore.

On down the hall to living room
I did not know what terrors loom
I crouched in fear, TICK TOCK TICK TOCK
I sighed relief, just mantle's clock.

Then in search of bread and jelly
I could not leave on empty belly
O' would it cease, this hunger stop?
I could not reach the countertop.

My plan awry, I forged ahead
No turning back, once left my bed
With firm resolve, I left the house
As quiet as a frightened mouse.

Across the lawn, to fence out back
Prepared to face, unknown attack
What evils lurked? I must beware
Behind the shed, in jungle there.

Amidst the leaves, I heard a sound
It was a lion! My heart did pound
With razor teeth, and claws of steel
A certain death, what pain I'd feel.

What could I do? I had no gun
My only course, turn tail and run
Back in the house and down the hall
With panting breath, on bed did fall.

Then down the hall, I heard a door
Was Mom and Dad, they slept no more
I heard Mom say, "Now what was that? "
"Oh, back door's open, it's just the cat. "

My ode is over, and I must go
My tale of danger, my tale of woe
It is finished, the lesson heed
To all of you, goodbye, Godspeed.

My solitude did beckon me
My EmptiNesst, with fancyfree
No hustle bustle would I heed.
I'd rise each morn and there I'd be -
Kicked back to write prolificly.

I never thought of days really
So far estranged from privacy.
This morn the cat nudged hungrily
"You're not my cat - Now let me sleep! "
Was she not temporary?

Computer on, email to see
Then IM friends hail cheerily
While sitting back with my coffee
My neighbor chats, "Let's have some tea"
The phone starts ringing busily

The first to call, of course, Stacie
Her sister's next, "Hello, Sandy! "
They want to know when I will be
Available for what they need.
I call my mom diligently

Then off to teach geometry,
Followed by some history.
While at the high school stop to see
The principal who says, "Nancy,
This summer you'll teach poetry. "

Off to the bank to get money
The grocery store for food indeed
The munchkins come, cute blonde kids three.
The phone still rings - "Hello, Bernie."
Another call, sister Shirley ~

Cassandra's outside in a tree
"Come on the trampoline, Nani! "
Jake just asks persistently
To play computer games with me.
Garrett's in the nursery.

Before I know my day's complete
When can I write some poetry?
So much for insularity.
If ever I want privacy,
Away from home I'll have to flee . . .

Can anyone give me advice . . . ?

What to do with computer mice?

At night they come out

And race all about.

Each mouse and it's spouse

Invading my house.

They wreck my office

And they're not too nice.

What to do with computer mice?

Wait, I hadn't thought about that -

Perhaps, I'll get a computer cat!

May I sell my sister in the yard sale?

'Cause she cries most of the time.

This is my chance to be an only child.

Do you think that's such a crime?

Can I sell my sister in the yard sale?

If I can't she's yours for free.

Just take her while she's a terrible two

And bring her back when she's three!

I lay in bed, I thought 'twas dead
But for the pain, I can't explain
The pounding dread, within my head
Why won't it wane, cries out my brain.

Broken filling, dental drilling
O' curse the bane, of toothache pain
I'd be killing, if God's willing
To cease refrain of molar's pain.

What can relieve and grant reprieve
From curse, the bane, of toothache pain
It will alleve, I must believe
Or will abstain, from life mundane.

I cry aloud, I am not proud
Down on my knees, O' help me please
To God I vowed, if he allowed
Relief to ease, the pain appease.

I hear my wife, say stop the strife
Quit whining dear, or I do fear
I'll get a knife, to end your life
To me was clear, the end was near.

Consternation, tribulation
But then I see, it came to me
Inspiration, jubilation
Tylenol three, O' come to me.

I took the pill, and downed with swill
Pain's vacation, pure elation
It fit the bill, the blessed pill
Transcend dental medication.

Nice collection and thanx for sharing

welcome