STATUS OF PARENTS IN THE HOLY QUR’AN

"And We have enjoined on man goodness (Ihsan) to his parents, and if they contend with you that you should associate (others) with Me, of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them, to Me is your return, so I will inform you of what you did." Al-Qur'an 29:8

What sort of a relationship should we maintain with our parents? In what matters are we not allowed to obey them? Generally what opinion has mankind held concerning their parents and ancestors when the message of Allah was delivered to them? What should be our relationship with our parents in case they are unbelievers? The answers to such and many other questions are provided in the Qur'an as guidance for all Mankind.The Qur'an provides us a clear criteria for establishing a relationship with our parents whether they be believers or unbelievers.The following are some Ayat (verses) dealing with this subject:

CODE OF CONDUCT WITH PARENTS

As believers,we are instructed about the sort of behavior that we are to maintain with our parents, especially when they have reached old age:

"And your Sustainer has decreed that you will serve none but Him, and that you be good (Ihsan) towards PARENTS. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life,say not to them (even) `fie' nor rebuke them but address them with terms of honor." (17:23)
"And out of kindness lower to them the wing of humility and say:`O My Sustainer,Bestow on them your mercy even as they cherished me in childhood." (17:24)

In the above verse we are restrained from even saying `fie' <oof> to our parents as people who are harsh on their parents and rebuke them are described as `those in loss' <khasireen>:

"And (there is one) who says to his PARENTS `Fie' on you! Do you hold out the promise to me that I shall be raised up,even though generations have passed before me?' And they two seek Allah's aid (and say) `Woe to you! Believe! For the promise of Allah is true.' But he says:`This is nothing but tales of the ancients!' (46:17)
"Such are they against whom is proved the sentence among the previous generations of Jinn (hidden persons) and mankind, that have passed away; for they are those in loss." (46:18)

As believers we are also commanded to spend on our parents from our resources as they cherished us in childhood:

"They ask you what they should spend.Say:`Whatever you spend that is good, is for PARENTS and kindred and orphans and those in want and for wayfarers. And whatever you do that is good,-Allah has its knowledge." (2:215)

Its is obligatory for us to provide for our parents when they are in need and not to desert them in an old home. Furthermore we cannot impose any hardships on them. Jesus the son of Mary (PBUH) is an example for us in this regard:

(Jesus said) "And He has made me kind to my mother and not overbearing or miserable." (19:32)

WHEN ARE WE NOT TO OBEY OUR PARENTS ?

While maintaining good behavior with their parents, the Believers are instructed not to obey their parents in certain situations:

"And We have enjoined on Man concerning his PARENTS: In travail upon travail did his mother bear him and his weaning is in two-years: Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: To Me is your goal." (31:14)

"But if they strive with you to associate with Me that which you have no knowledge, THEN OBEY THEM NOT; Yet bear them company in this life in a recognized manner. And follow the way of those who turn to Me. In the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the truth of all you did." (31:15)

We are not to obey our parents if they suggest `Shirk' i.e. association with Allah, yet bear them company in a just manner.

REACTION OF MANKIND TOWARDS THE MESSAGE OF ALLAH

Generally people maintain those beliefs in their lives which they have inherited from their parents and ancestors. They don't analyse those beliefs by reason nor intelligently or critically evaluate them. Many people take the faith of their ancestors to be the whole truth under the assumption that `How could our elders and loved one's be wrong?' They are also discouraged by their parents and influentials to raise questions concerning religious beliefs and suggest blind following to their doctrines without proof. The inherited faith has always caused a barrier in accepting the truth of Allah as the beliefs of ancestors are mostly at variance with the message of Allah. In all times the foremost reaction of people, when the truth and reality of Allah is made evident to them is that they found their fathers following something else and they will stick to their ancestral beliefs. The excuse that people give when they are told to follow Qur'an is the same and they prefer the blind following of the sect or cult in which they are born rather than personally consult the Qur'an for guidance:

"And when it is said to them:`Follow what Allah has revealed !' They say: `Nay ! We will follow what we found our FATHERS following.' What ! Even though their fathers were void of wisdom and guidance?" (2:170)

The faith of ancestors has always been a barrier in accepting the truth of Allah and the messengers were given the the same argument.
Response to Noah (PBUH)

"....Never did we hear such a thing among our FATHERS of old." (23:24)

Response to Hood (PBUH)

"..Have you come to us that we may serve Allah alone and leave that which our FATHERS served..?" (7:70)

Response to Salih (PBUH)

"..Do you forbid us that which our FATHERS served?.." (11:62)

Response to Shoaib (PBUH)

O Shoaib, does your Salat order that we leave of that which our FATHERS served." (11:87)

Answer to Abraham's (PBUH) question

"They said:`Nay we but found our FATHERS doing thus what we do!" (26:74)

Joseph's (PBUH) reminder

"If not Him you serve nothing but names which you have named, you and your FATHERS.." (12:40)

Response to Moses (PBUH) and Aaron (PBUH)

"..Never did we hear the like among our FATHERS of old!" (28:36)

Reaction to Muhammad (PBUH)

"..This is just a Man whose intention is to oppose you from that which your FATHERS served.." (34:43)

The Qur'an strongly opposes the blind following of the faith of parents and ancestors. It invites people to use their reasoning ability and intelligence in ascertaining the truth. (See 38:29,47:24,43:3,21:10) The Qur'an not only provides evidence for its claims (see 4:174,6:104) but also asks its opponents to provide sufficient proofs (see 21:24, 27:64, 2:111, 37:157).
Blind following of ancestors involves a person to accept their beliefs without question or sufficient proof.The blind submission to ancestral beliefs is encouraged by Satan as his chief objective is to keep Mankind away from the Qur'an:
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"When they are told to follow what Allah has revealed,they say:`Nay we shall follow the ways that we found our FATHERS following !' What ! Even if it is Satan beckoning them to the penalty of the blazing (fire)? " (31:21)

Instead of taking guidance for all matters requiring guidance from the Book of Allah,people insist upon copying the ways of their fathers:

" What! Have We given them a Book before this to which they are holding fast?" (43:21)

"Nay! They say:`We found our FATHERS following a certain way
and we will guide ourselves by their footsteps." (43:22)

"Just in the same manner, whenever We sent a Warner before you to any town, the wealthy ones among them said:`Surely we found our FATHERS following a c