Joke of the Day

poor onlooker

Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love
letter to her: "I luv u sister."

*****
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

*****
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!

*****
Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.

*****
Banta ek sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu : Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

*****
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

*****
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.

*****
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.
*****
Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.

*****
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?

*****
Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon reaches Banta without
message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call

*****
Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

*****
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."

*****
Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

*****
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi

*****
Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.

*****
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
*****
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

*****
Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"
Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash ?"

coming soon

make it sooner

A college senior took his new girlfriend to Super Bowl XXXV. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action.
A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year."
His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That`s the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!"

read it thrice thn understood

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go on our anniversary?”
She said, “Somewhere I have never been!”
I told her, “How about the kitchen?”

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Sardar: In my dreams rats play football every night
Doctor: Take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tomorrow? Tonight is final match.

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Sardar petrol pump gaya,
wahan usne ek board pe likha dekha,
“Don’t use mobile here”.

Sardarji ne mobile nikala or har dost ko phone
kar ke kaha, “Don’t call me now

-----------------------------------------------------

A Sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss.

- Do U know what the business was in?
- He opened a Saloon in Punjab

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine . Lets find yours!!

**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".

**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

Three clever men and one wise man are walking in the desert, when they find the bleached skeleton of a lion. The first clever man says, "I can rebuild the skeleton," and does so. The second clever man says, "I can rebuild the muscles and organs," and does so. The third clever man says, "I can breathe the spirit of life back into the body," and does so. The wise man says, "Excuse me, but I am going to climb this tree."

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
~~~~~~
A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
~~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter :Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer:No, I can't.
Waiter:Then does it really matter?
~~~~~~
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy!Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well, "began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.
~~~~~~
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
~~~~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
~~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
~~~~~~~
1st thief :Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief:But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief :Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
~~~~~~~~
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.
~~~~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
~~~~~~~
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
~~~~~~~
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
~~~~~~~
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy:Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy :No, mine is undying love.
~~~~~~~~
There was a brilliant student and his General Knowledge (*GK*) was excellent.
He won every GK Quiz he took part in ....
Then one day he fell in love with a girl...
He proposed the girl, but she flatly rejected him The poor Indian fellow was heart-broken. .
Strangely, after this episode, he became very weak at GK, he stopped taking part in GK Quizzes.....
Now, can u tell WHY ???
Jab Dil Hi Toot Gaya Toh GK Kya Karenge!!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband:Sure, what are my choices?
Wife :Yes and no.

~tasha~ said:

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine . Lets find yours!!

**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".

**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

oye u notty NATASHA


missd u
whr r ya???

i dnt c u onlyn???

Mujrim said:

~tasha~ said:

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine . Lets find yours!!

**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".

**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

oye u notty NATASHA


missd u
whr r ya???

i dnt c u onlyn???

i'm always here moby missed u too

Best Break-Up Letter Ever
-----------------------------

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from
his girlfriend back home.

It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice,
since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.

I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,
Becky..............

*********************************************************


The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other
pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.
Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to
me.

Take Care,
Ricky

Sardarji goes to the library and slams the book on the table and
complains ,"Too many characters no story!!"

Librarian ," so u are the idiot who took the telefone directory.

Johny's mother ran into the bedroom when she heard him scream and found his two-year old sister pulling his hair.
She gently released the little girl's grip and said comfortingly to Johny,
'There, there. She didn't mean it. She doesn't know that hurts.'
She was barely out of the room when the little girl screamed. Rushing back in,
she asked, 'What happened?' 'She knows now,' Johny replied.


------------ --------- --------- -
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"

"But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the DAMN difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.

"Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated loudly.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."


There were three guys talking in the pub.

Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?".

The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked.

He replied, "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

"Need some help?" a secretary, walking by, asked.

"Yes," he replied, "how does this thing work?"

"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.

"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"




The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

"Need some help?" a secretary, walking by, asked.

"Yes," he replied, "how does this thing work?"

"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.

"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"

nice ones

Doctor: u look exactly like my third wife,
lady: how many wife do u have?
Doctor: Two.

once prince charles and sardar having dinner
prince said: pass the vine you divine!
sardar thinks how poetic,
sardar says: pass the custard you bastard.

A old man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"

The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you."

He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her he said, "What's for dinner, honey?" Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question. Still no reply, so he moved to five feet. Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?"

She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf old fart!"